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Stock Market Dictionary

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth
$33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then
be worth $8.50.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until
you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in
Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you
make major financial decisions. Please note
the first five letters of this word spell "Broke."

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet
will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock
tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why
your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.  

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes
when you're supposed to be listening to your
manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in
theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually
own. Since this also only ever works in theory,
a short position is what a person usually ends
up being in. (i.e. "The rent, sir?  Hahaha, well,
I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make
money on the stock market, which is why your
broker charges you one.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover
your stocks have plunged and your broker is
making a margin call.

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Uoversettelige mars 2003